i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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