Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
