There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
