talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
