Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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