I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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