I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
