no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
