I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
