We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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