I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
