I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
