he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
