Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
