sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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