I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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