I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
