There was a lot of him and a little penis
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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