I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
