if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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