Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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