Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
