FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven