just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you inspire me to be a worse person
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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