can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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