i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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