I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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