I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
