plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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