just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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