Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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