dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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