Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way