and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!