just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
