I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
