Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
