Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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