he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
