There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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