Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
