You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
