I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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