sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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