I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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