i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
