So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
