I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Quick, to the slutcave!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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