I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
