What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
