A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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