The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
