Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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