Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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