Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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