the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
