Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
