I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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