the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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