I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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