She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
should my penis look like a turkey
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize