He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
