He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
