I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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