Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
