Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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